Out of control

Do you ever get the feeling that things are completely out of control? Do you ever feel like you’re in a place that’s unknown, unpredictable, and uncomfortable? If your answer is no, please share your wisdom with me – because it seems that all of us have found ourselves in that place right now. Siri can’t give us a quick answer, and Google can’t give us the information we need. We have no idea how long this situation will last and really no definitive facts on what will bring it to an end. We have some good suggestions, some really smart professionals trying to lead us, yet we are still in a place of unknown.

My motto for this season has been “same shirt, different day.” Each morning I wake up and I’m not sure what day of the week it is. My sister’s comment was “it’s like being in the movie “Groundhogs Day”. Some days I really don’t like it. It’s like living in a different dimension. One where everything stays the same yet somehow, it’s completely different. I am encouraged to stay close to the people I love, but not too close to them. I’m encouraged to stay active and engaged yet not participate in organized functions. It’s confusing, scary and unknown. 

As each day rolls into the next, I continue to wonder what is going on, and why I feel so out of control. Then in a moment of thoughtfulness it hits me, maybe this is exactly where God wants me to be. In a place where all the technology in the world, and all the things I’ve come to depend on, still can’t give me an answer. In a place where even experts can’t exactly tell me what to expect. In a place where the “enemy” is invisible – yet everywhere. I think possibly I have found myself in a place where I must totally depend on and completely trust God. 

What does it look like to actually be dependent upon God?  In our modern world it’s hard to grasp that, but in our human history there have been several times where people have had to turn to God for total dependence. Is this one of those times? Could we be living in an historic time that people will write about for years to come? Rather than question what’s going on, I think I should question how I will respond to it. Will I turn away, turn to my own selfish desires and try to manage this with my own strength? Or will I turn to God. Completely, totally, in pure devotion, turn to God and trust him. Will I drop to my knees and seek his guidance and provision in my life? Like those who have gone before me how will I respond in the trial? If this is the desert, will I faithfully keep walking, or will I build my own idols and try to manage it myself?

I know who I want to be. I know who I am called to be. I know that my God is the same God who parted the sea, closed the mouths of lions, and rained bread from the sky in an effort to rescue his people. I know my God is still in control and still does what it takes to rescue me.
So could this be exactly where God has me today?
Completely out of control… because in this place I have two choices, I can turn to myself or I can turn to Him.  Each day I must decide which way I will choose. Sometimes each moment. Which will I choose today? Which will you choose?

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